Special guest: Dan Savage
On a recent Savage Lovecast episode, a 26-year-old guy who identifies as cisgender and straight Informed us he'd been dating a transgender woman, and while her penis didn't bother him and he was "attracted to her naked or clothed or what have you," he didn't enjoy sucking her dick and wanted to know if that made him a bad person or if it made him "innately transphobic."
The man said he's always gone down on his partners in the past, but when he and his current partner fooled around, he found he didn't like "sucking penis" and wasn't sure how to bring it up to her or if he should just make himself do it anyway.
I replied to his query by telling him that the person he needed to communicate all these complicated questions to was his partner. Some transgender women he's known have felt it was really important to have their partners "love and appreciate" their genitalia, but other transgender women felt that if a partner was too focused on their penis, that maybe they were just there for "the dick" and only wanted to be with a penis that was attached to "something that presents female otherwise because he's a cock-hound."
The guy's lack of interest in going down on her doesn't necessarily make him a bad transgender ally, but recommends that he have this conversation with his current partner to see how she feels and go from there.