There’s a few common mistake new girls often make at the start of transition. I made ‘em, others made them - I just don’t want you to also make them.
I discuss the value of finding a physical mentor - a role model - if you will. However, your physical transformation is only a small part of becoming female. Amazingly, it’s probably the easiest part. That’s saying a lot because its expensive, time consuming and grueling to develop a suitable feminine form.
Just keep in mind: happiness doesn't have a gender - nor does love.
Common Mistake #1: Putting Beauty Ahead of Electrolysis
The most common mistake made with transition plans is putting feminization & beauty surgeries ahead of completing electrolysis. Electrolysis sucks! It’s very painful, creates tons of swelling, is very expensive and time consuming. However, it’s still the only effective means of permanent facial hair removal. Lots of girls - including me - skipped this necessity assuming intensive laser would do the trick then jumped to FFS and breast implants.
Smooth facial skin is a crucial element for a convincing feminine presentation. It makes pores appear smaller. It makes skin appear less ruddy. It’s the essence of feminine beauty.
The biggest nightmare of holding off completing electrolysis before FFS, breast augmentation and / or going full-time is that you have to let your facial hair grow out a bit before each electrolysis session.
Do you know what a nightmare that is if you’re already full-time?
You don’t want to know, GF: Finish the electro first - it’s a key to transition success.
Common Mistake #2: Thinking “being a girl” is going to make you happy
Without a doubt, one of the overwhelming mistakes made by beginners is thinking transition is going to “make you happy”.
Being a Woman - Happy
Rather, it should resolve a singular longstanding issue in your life. Some of us tend to start pointing at everything good in our life before transition as coming from “her”. The bad stuff? We heap on him. That’s a farce and trap - good and bad happens to everyone regardless of gender.
Make no mistake: transition won’t make you happy. In fact, the process is one of the loneliest journey’s known to human kind plus it’s financially devastating. If you face issues with depression before transition? You’ll test new boundaries doldrums along this way.
Transition will not make you happy. If successful - which is unfortunately still rare in our community: a post-transition life can be very fulfilling. Unfortunately, the ten years leading to that success are often devastating. Reminds me of an old biblical quote: “Everybody wants to go to heaven - but nobody wants to die”.
Common Mistake #3: Obsessing over all things transgender
Another common mistake many of us make when we start transition is obsessing about all things transgender. It’s only natural: we’re excited.
However, we don’t realize it’s “all we talk about” - and that bores the hell out of friends, causing them to draw away from us - at the exact time we need them most.
Remain conscious how often you’re doing “tranny talk” - even with other transgender women. Transition is a state of change - not a destination.
Move on - as fast as you can!
Common Mistake #4: Thinking men are the defining source of whose female
Another trap many of us get caught thinking is that if men find us appealing and want to sleep with us? We’ve arrived as women.
Early in my own journey, I slept with more different men than I care to recall. The irony? I eventually discovered my sexual orientation was still directed towards women - where it was before I started trans-ing. However, being intimate with a man…being desired by a man? Those experiences made more feel more feminine: more validated.
Men don’t define whose female: they’ll hump your leg when you look hot - and they’ll hump your leg in the checkout line at Kroger when you’re not wearing any makeup and your hair’s a mess.
Who determines if you’re now really a woman?
So if men don’t define the essence of becoming female: who does? Is it other full-time trans-women? No - but they’re sometimes a decent measure of immediate term progress.
Who defines women?
You’ll know you’ve arrived as female after you’ve developed lots of close born-women friends and they completely embrace you as a woman. That process takes time but listen closely to the gate keepers as you grow.
The biggest mistake beginning trans-women make in building friendships with born women include:
1. Taking compliments too literally: A big part of female culture is built around saying positive things about other women. It’s an opening for you to return a compliment - not bask.
2. Talking about yourself too much: By default, women are trained to listen to ego-talk more than men. Men notoriously talk about themselves more than women. Women can talk as much or more - just not so much about themselves. Follow their cue: listen…and learn.
3. Don’t hit on them: There is nothing more distasteful than an unwanted advance from someone you perceive as a friend. Don’t get caught up in that “best of both world’s” rhetoric. Be a friend. Stay classy.
Common Mistake #5: Thinking you’ll be the equivalent of a born-woman after GRS
Becoming post-operative is a pinnacle many trans-women dream about over a lifetime. It’s often a culmination of achievement and will solve lots of legal and emotional entanglements with your former male identity. However, it won’t suddenly cause the world or potential partners to embrace you as 100% female. Let’s face it, unless you make you're living as a stripper: who will know the difference anyway?
Being totally embraced as a woman is determined by your femme confidence, style, and heart. It takes a long time to achieve and can’t be bought by surgery. Don’t get trapped into thinking GRS will be a game-changer in this regard. That surgery is primarily for you - not others.