Women always tell me they can’t get off when they masturbate because they’re afraid someone in the house will hear them or walk in on them. That’s a valid concern. The fear of being too loud or being caught will stop most of us from giving in to our little “guilty pleasures.”
And that’s a shame. Orgasms can be shy. You’ve got to sneak up on them. Once you’ve scare one away, you may not be able to recapture the mood later when you’re alone.
That’s why I suggest that you masturbate when you are quite sure you are alone. Give it a try, even if you aren’t in the mood. Trying to have sex with a partner when you’re not aroused is usually a bad idea (a seriously bad idea), but trying to masturbate when you’re not in the mood is a good idea. This is how you find out what it takes to get you in the mood!
No matter what else is going on in your day, if you find that the house is empty and you’re alone for a little while, stop what you’re doing and start playing with yourself. Seriously.
Watch (or Read) Porn
I’m a visual person and I find that porn appeals very much to me. I like reading it and picturing it in my mind, and I like watching it. I am one of those women who genuinely enjoy porn. If you’re new to masturbation and new to porn, you might have a little trouble finding out what your tastes are in this area. That’s okay. You might not like anything at all.
However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least try it out. Sometimes I close my eyes and listen to the sounds of sex, and that is enough to arouse me. Sometimes it takes something a little more visual (they do make naughty magazines and websites for women, you know). Whatever the case may be, you should give it a try at least once, and probably more than once, as an encouragement and outside source of stimulation.
Also, if you’re new to masturbation and aren’t quite in the mood, porn is a great way to feel like you’re not the only naked person in the room. That turns out to be a lot more comforting than it sounds.
Wet Your Finger
When you’re ready to begin, start by licking your finger.
Licking your finger before clitoral stimulation is probably the closest you’ll get to the feeling of oral sex through self-pleasure. Plus, the wetness touching your clit actually stimulates you to get even wetter.
Everyone needs a bit of lubrication at first, so why not take advantage of nature’s handiest and most natural lube? Go ahead…get your fingers all wet and slippery before you touch yourself.
Just lick the tip of your finger before clitoral stimulation and you’ll see that it makes all the difference in the speed and strength of your orgasm.
Go Slowly and Then Build Up
Now that you’ve pulled out the porn and licked your finger, what’s next? Well, now you begin. Using the tip of your finger, make soft slow circles on the hood of your clitoris.
See how that feels?
Okay, now’s the time to explore. Try different things with your clit. Move your finger up and down, sliding it inside and out of your vagina as you go. Try flicking your clit from side to side or pinching it gently between two fingers. Use different speeds and different amounts of pressure. Increase your speed as you go along (or increase, decrease, then increase again) for an amazing all-out explosion of an orgasm!
Your body will tell you what it likes and what it doesn’t like. If you don’t like something, then move on to something else. It’s that simple. You’re the one in control, so don’t force yourself to like something and don’t pretend to like something. Move on to your next idea instead. It’s all about your pleasure, after all. This is the time to learn where you like to be touched and how you like to be touched.
For example, you can slide a finger (or two or three) into your vagina to simulate penetration by a penis during sex. As you do, try curling your fingers slightly and press against your vaginal wall facing your bladder. About two inches in, you should feel a bit of a bump. That bump is your G-Spot. If you rub your finger up and down on that spot and stimulate it, you’re likely to orgasm like never before.
Can’t find it? Don’t worry, many of us don’t find it at first. Just keep trying.
There are times when all I want is a quick 30-second release and I know that slow clitoral stimulation is just going to annoy me, so I dive right in at top speed and have fun. You’ll do the same once you know exactly where to touch yourself and what speed works for you.
Don’t Just Lie There
Most of us find that lying flat on our backs, missionary style, is the best way to masturbate. Not only is it the most convenient way when you have toys involved, but it’s also just really easy to lie back and scream in pleasure, isn’t it?
I suggest masturbating anyplace that you would have sex with a partner. It’s amazing what your imagination can do with just a little bit of outside stimulation. Also, you could well find that you are fulfilling a fantasy on your own.
Fulfilling your own fantasies might not sound that appealing, but believe me, it can be. If I can masturbate and get off by myself in a place or position I’ve always wanted to try, then when it comes time, I know I’ll be able to get off in that same place or position with my partner. Think it as “testing it out.” Try the floor, the stairs, the chair…whatever suits your needs.
Try it With a Toy
Another tip for masturbating is to try it with a toy. Fingers are great, but vibrators and dildos can multiply the pleasure.
And who says you have to do this alone? When you get comfortable enough, you can even masturbate with your partner. Really: Let him watch. This will not only give him some outstanding visual stimulation, but it will also teach him how to touch you…without you having to actually “teach him.” Sneaky, huh?
For now, you’re going to want a vibrator. It’s easy to find articles about choosing the right vibrator – there are several of them right here on this site. Trust me, the right toy can really enhance your masturbation experience.
If you press a vibrator against your clit, you’ll find that the stimulation is much different from when the vibrator is stimulating you vaginally. Have fun with that. Play around and test it which you prefer. I like other toys as well. Once you get more experienced you may be adventurous enough to try anal beads, for instance – they’re great for women who are curious but too shy to ask their partners for back-door stimulation. There are some great clitoral toys out there too. You’ll find a full array of options at online sex-toy shops or you local sex store.